Spending the last three weeks dwelling on my family’s tragic history was tough work. Healing the mind is different from healing the body. When healing a cut, you bandage it up and keep it clean and let it close. Healing the mind requires you to reopen the wound again and again until the water runs clear. And when you think you’ve finally got it, you find yourself back at the start of the process. 

After the death of a loved one, you learn to smile and laugh again and everything starts to feel real once more. At first, the pain is everywhere you look. After a while, it settles to the bottom so you can visit it when you want to. But at the end of the day, the pain remains. You finally learn to live with the weight of grief and your legs become stronger and you’re able to walk farther and farther each day. 

My grief became the possessions I kept accumulating and couldn’t let go of. Part of my project the last few weeks was trying to extract the misplaced grief. I planned to get rid of as many possessions in my apartment as possible and I managed to truly clean up my stuff once and for all. I wear all my shoes every week, all my clothes every month, and the makeup…I at least got rid of some of it. 

But like I’ve continued to say, the real test will be to not replace everything I’m getting rid of with new stuff. So far, so good. But if I do mess up and go on a shopping spree, I have the tools I need to declutter once again. 

For Christmas, I’m asking for nothing but hard cash and chocolate.